The Day I Lost My Dad… and Found My Father

The place you fear the most may be the place God provides the most.

In a recent sermon, my pastor said something that has stayed with me…

“Life’s worst interruptions are God’s greatest invitations.”

I will never forget May 15th, 2023. It was a quiet Monday, the day after Mother’s Day. My wife and I were sitting out on our back deck around the fire, getting ready to call it a night, when we received a phone call that I never wanted to receive.

My dad had suddenly died.

Out of all the emotions I would go on to experience, in that moment I was simply in shock. I remember repeating to myself and to my wife, “It’s going to be ok… it’s going to be ok… it’s going to be ok.”

You see, I had always told my wife that I never wanted to know life without my dad.

This man was my rock.
My steady anchor.

He was my best friend, and the one I talked to daily. And no, that’s not an exaggeration.

I looked up to my dad like any son typically does. Not because I thought he was perfect, but because he was free enough to share his flaws and brokenness.

The man was real.
He was genuine.

He loved Jesus. He loved God’s Word. He loved my mom, my sister, and the church God allowed him to pastor.

There was so much to respect and so much to admire, and I simply did not want to live life without my dad in it.

But the day came. The call was answered. And Jesus took my dad home.

And I wrestled with all the questions…

• God, why MY dad? There are so many absent fathers out there that you could’ve taken instead

• God, why MY dad? He was being used in powerful ways for Your kingdom. I could give you a list of ten pastors that aren’t doing half of what my dad was doing.

All the why questions… I threw them up to God.

And I am so grateful He is a big enough God to handle them. A God who invites us to ask.

2023 was a hard year.

There were self inflicted wounds from choices I had made, choices that did not just affect me, but my family and people I loved and pastored.

But now my dad was gone.

• What am I supposed to do?

• Who am I supposed to talk to?

• Who is my rock now?

• My compass?

I was living in the very place I feared the most.

But let me tell you something I never expected to say…

It was in this season, in what felt like life’s worst interruption, that I experienced God’s greatest invitation.

Something began to shift in me.

Not overnight.
Not in a moment.
But slowly and quietly.

I had always known God as Father.

• I had preached it.

• Sung about it.

• Encouraged others to trust Him that way.

But in this season, I did not just know it anymore.

I experienced it.

Over these past three years, I can honestly say I have come to know the Lord as Father in a way I may never have if my earthly dad were still here.

Not as a concept or as good theology.

But as a present, personal reality.

Because when the earthly voice I leaned on went silent… I finally started to hear another voice more clearly.

When the man I called for wisdom was no longer there… It taught me to lean into the wisdom that comes from Heaven.

When I felt like I had lost my rock… I discovered I had never actually lost it.

I had just mistaken where it ultimately was.

God has been a good Father to me.

• Not distant.

• Not cold.

• Not waiting for me to get it together.

But near.
Patient.
Steady.

A Father who does not panic when I do.

A Father who is not shaken when I am.

A Father who does not leave when everything else feels like it has.

He has been my rock.

• The One I can go to at any moment.

• The One who listens without interruption.

• The One who speaks, not always loudly, but always faithfully.

He has been my faithful friend.

Closer than any conversation I used to have.

More consistent than any voice I depended on.

More present than I ever realized He was.

And maybe this is what I am learning…

The place I feared the most has become an opportunity for me to know Him the deepest.  

Not because the loss was good.
Not because the pain was easy.

There are still days I break.

Days I see a picture of him and I cannot hold it together.
Days where the weight of missing him hits me out of nowhere and I just sit there and sob.

Days I wish I could pick up the phone and Facetime him one more time.

That part hasn’t gone away.

But because God meets us in places we would never choose to go.

“Life’s worst interruptions are God’s greatest invitations.”

I did not want this invitation.

But I would not trade what I have come to know of Him through it.

He is a good Dad.

And for the first time in my life…
I am not just saying that because I believe it.

I am saying it because I have experienced it.

And the more I’ve come to know God as Father…
the more I realize my dad was preparing me for this all along.

And as I sit here now, reflecting on all of this, I cannot help but feel overwhelming gratitude.

Gratitude for my dad.

Not because he was perfect.

But because he never pretended to be.

He was a man who depended daily on the grace of God.

A man who did not just talk about Jesus, but pointed me to Him again and again and again.

In his prayers.

In his words.

In his life.

He showed me what it looked like to follow Jesus, not flawlessly, but faithfully.

You see, the greatest thing my dad ever gave me was not just his presence…

It was his direction.

He led me to the Father.

So today, I just want to say thank you, dad.

Thank you for your prayers.

Thank you for your consistency.

Thank you for your humility.

Thank you for showing me that strength is not found in having it all together, but in knowing where to run when you do not.

And thank you… for ALWAYS pointing me to Jesus.

I love you.